Hung Over For Nuns Mass
Something really strange is going on. I've had four donations since I started my blog last week and each of them has been from somebody in the porn industry. I'm not complaining.. a charitable act is a charitable act no matter where it comes from but it is odd. Makes me wonder who is reading my blog. Surely, they have much more interesting things to review! It reminds me of the time the chaplaincy site here at work was hijacked by a porn site. Everybody who came to the chaplaincy web page was greeted by gorgeous naked women. It caused a right stir! Unfortunately, I was away at a conference and missed all the excitement! Can you believe that …I cried for my loss that night!
Anyhow, back to more spiritual things. Got quite drunk last night on half a bottle of whiskey and botched up one of my paintings. Did an early mass for the local nuns still feeling quite hung over. I hope to Christ it wasn't too obvious. Nuns can be so disapproving! I do find some comfort in the drink in the evenings but I've come over the bad guy because of it on occasion. There was one evening the car of a friend of mine was punctured close to where I live. She called me to give her a lift home. I had to ask her could she not find somebody else. I wasn't able to tell her I had drink on me, too ashamed, and we had such a terrible falling out over the next few days. She was very disappointed in me. I always felt bad about that one.
I've got this thing I sometimes do while dozing off to sleep. It's very meditative. I lie in bed and spread my spirit out across the world. It's difficult to explain but I incorporate the expanse of the world into my own small universe so while I'm aware of myself lying in my own bed, in my own room, I'm also aware of prisoners in Iraq, or Chinese families sharing a meal in Hong Kong, old people alone in Birmingham, dogs howling on the streets in Bejing, burglars entering houses in South Africa, people praying in Church in Australia, men making porn movies in LA. I see in my minds eye the variety of people and events taking place while I lie still in bed at that very moment. It focuses me less on my own problems and crises and reminds me just how much is going on in the world … everybody trying to etch out the best they can of life … we all have that much in common, that we try to make the best possible life we can for ourselves. It's a shared struggle and very much a private one for each of us, I think!
It seems too that writing this blog has focused my mind much more on what I want out of life, even at this late stage. I feel that very soon I could be strong enough to make some changes in my life. Part of it really is a money issue, though. Devout Catholics will hate me for this but if I had enough money, at this stage of my life, I don’t think I would be a priest. Don't misunderstand and think that I'm not committed to the work I do or to Jesus. I will always be a very spiritual person but my heart aches for a bit of free living! It'll be a strange day when I have to wash my own jocks and hang them on the clothes line!
Anyhow, back to more spiritual things. Got quite drunk last night on half a bottle of whiskey and botched up one of my paintings. Did an early mass for the local nuns still feeling quite hung over. I hope to Christ it wasn't too obvious. Nuns can be so disapproving! I do find some comfort in the drink in the evenings but I've come over the bad guy because of it on occasion. There was one evening the car of a friend of mine was punctured close to where I live. She called me to give her a lift home. I had to ask her could she not find somebody else. I wasn't able to tell her I had drink on me, too ashamed, and we had such a terrible falling out over the next few days. She was very disappointed in me. I always felt bad about that one.
I've got this thing I sometimes do while dozing off to sleep. It's very meditative. I lie in bed and spread my spirit out across the world. It's difficult to explain but I incorporate the expanse of the world into my own small universe so while I'm aware of myself lying in my own bed, in my own room, I'm also aware of prisoners in Iraq, or Chinese families sharing a meal in Hong Kong, old people alone in Birmingham, dogs howling on the streets in Bejing, burglars entering houses in South Africa, people praying in Church in Australia, men making porn movies in LA. I see in my minds eye the variety of people and events taking place while I lie still in bed at that very moment. It focuses me less on my own problems and crises and reminds me just how much is going on in the world … everybody trying to etch out the best they can of life … we all have that much in common, that we try to make the best possible life we can for ourselves. It's a shared struggle and very much a private one for each of us, I think!
It seems too that writing this blog has focused my mind much more on what I want out of life, even at this late stage. I feel that very soon I could be strong enough to make some changes in my life. Part of it really is a money issue, though. Devout Catholics will hate me for this but if I had enough money, at this stage of my life, I don’t think I would be a priest. Don't misunderstand and think that I'm not committed to the work I do or to Jesus. I will always be a very spiritual person but my heart aches for a bit of free living! It'll be a strange day when I have to wash my own jocks and hang them on the clothes line!
posted by Father Paul at 2:33 PM
4 Comments:
What a fascinating view into your interior. I am truly impressed with your courage to write so revealing an account. I do hope you will continue. I wept when I read some of your passages, but with a sadness not born of pity. Just a sadness for the whole world.
My curiosity draws me to this blog; I feel like I must know more about the man who writes it, with every detail read.
Anne Marie needs to take a chill. I think you are in a safe and good place to express yourself. I have been celebate until just this year. It is v. difficult and not something the public at large seems to understand. I also indulged in an affair, to try and undo the scars of my first experiences. I am not proud of my actions but I am not going to beat myself up over it either. What is done is done. Please keep writing Father. Keep talking your life out loud. We are listening :)
You've restored a bit of my faith tonight, Priest. Unfortunately, not so much in God, but at least the Church; so if ever some sanctimonious, closed-minded person harrangues you for putting a bad face on the Priesthood or the Church, there's at least one person who thinks the exact opposite. Incidentally, I found your page from http://www.sexxxxpics.com/blog/, another site associated with the porn industry, and I mention it here not to shame either of us, but to pronounce my respect for your honesty and willingness to embrace any/all comers. The following is probably blasphemous (feel free to suggest a pennance ;) ), but, given Christ's association with Mary Magdelene, I feel He would agree with me that women of the promiscuous type are by far the more interesting with whom to associate, whether socially or in other capacities.
To the previous commenter, I think, correct me if I am wrong, that the view of Mary Magdalene as a prostitute is promote by the established Church, but is never actually mentioned *at all* in the Bible.
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